APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, school history,
job history, ancestral lineage, DMV printout, and a current
medical report from your doctor.
NAME__________________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH_________________________________
HEIGHT________________WEIGHT__________________IQ_________________
GPA___________________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_____________________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #_____________________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS___________________________________
CITY/STATE____________________________________ZIP________________
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?
___________________________________________
If NO, please explain
___________________________________________
Number of years they have been married
___________________________________________
If less than your age, explain
___________________________________________
Do you own a van?___________A truck with oversized tires?____________
A waterbed?___________A pickup with a mattress in the back?__________
A condom?_____________Pornography?____________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?___________
A tattoo?_____________
(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?________________________
________________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?____
________________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?__________________
________________________________________________________________________
Church you attend__________________How often you attend_________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
Father?________________ Priest?____________________
Mother?________________ Parole Officer?____________
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely. All answers are
confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:
_______________________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:_________
C: A woman's place is in the:_____________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
________________________________________________________________________
E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
________________________________________________________________________
NOTE: If answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises,
keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
What do you want to do IF you grow up?_________________________________
What is the current going rate of a hotel room?________________________
Condoms come in packages of (circle one)
A: 3
B: 6
C: 9
D: 12
E: All of the above
How do you know?_______________________________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE,
RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_______________________________________________
SIGNATURE (That means sign your name, Moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it
would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentlemen wearing black shirts and white ties carrying
violin cases (you might want to watch your back). Have a nice day.
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