1. Your kids are the source of school head lice epidemics
2. You wish you could bend your head down as far as your dog can.
3. You think incest is the French word for bug.
4. Your wife cleans fish on the ironing board.
5. You fix slower than-dog-shit traffic light's with a twelve gauge shotgun.
6. Your attorney can be reached at 1-800-whip-lash.
7. You've ever asked for a pay advance before you got the job.
8. You've ever scraped your elbows trying to get something out of a dumpster.
9. Your kids give new meaning to the term nose mining.
10. The sight of a Slim Jim makes your wife's mouth water.
11. You know which end of the chicken a possum prefers to eat first.
12. People in the express line often wish you were dead.
    

AND NOW #13

Your contest entry on "How to avoid the repo man" won you a new set of jumper cables.

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