From Home

The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all disheveled and he looked 'needy.' " Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie" the old man replied.

"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies perhaps someone else..." "No, I want Natalie. "Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per hour. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon the Man calmly left.

The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained than no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts...it was still $1,000 for one hour. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and he calmly left an hour later.

When he showed up the third consecutive night no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row...where are you from?"

The old man replied,
"I am from Minsk." "Really", replied Natalie, "I have a sister who lives there."
"I know," said the old man, "she gave me $3,000 to give to you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A doctor started having an affair with his nurse, and shortly
after this started, she announced that she had become pregnant.

Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of
money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to
wait out the pregnancy and have the baby over there.

"But how will you know when our baby is born?" she asked.
"Well", he said, "After you've had the baby, just send me a post
card and write 'sauerkraut' on the back".

Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to
Germany.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him
at his office. "Dear, you received a very strange post card in
the mail today", she explained. "I don't understand what it
means!".

"Just wait till I get home and I'll read it," he replied.
Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his post card
which said

"SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT
TWO WITH WIENERS, ONE WITHOUT!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two old ladies are standing in their backyards gossiping over the back
fence. They're talking for hours when the one old lady notices a
delivery truck has pulled into the driveway, and the driver is getting
out with a dozen red roses.

"Oh great! I know what I'll be doin' all night," says the first old
lady.

"What?" asks the other one.

"Every year Elmer sends me a dozen red roses on the same day," says
the lady,

"so I guess I'll be naked, lying on my back all night with my legs in
the air!"

The other lady looks confused and replies, "Don't you have a vase?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother,
who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The Farmer
had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law,
hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship.

To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding
changes, offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable to the
farmer and his new bride.

While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule
suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in
the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near
the casket and greeted folks as they walked by.

The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something
to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something.

Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however,
he would shake his head, no and mumble a reply.

Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked
the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible
tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.'

The men would ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake
my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night the
doorbell rings. The guy answers it and a kid standing there says 'Hi,
I'm
Freddy. I'm here to pick up Betty. We're gonna go eat spaghetti. Is
she
ready?' The man, mildly amused calls down his daughter and the two
leave.

A few minutes later the doorbell rings again and he answers. A kid
standing
there says 'Hi, I'm Jim. I'm here to see Kim. We're gonna go for a
swim. Can
I come in?' The guy, now perplexed, says yes and the two take off.

A few minutes later the doorbell rings and again the father answers. A
kid
standing there says 'Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo. We're gonna
go to
the show. Can she go?' The man, now kind of annoyed says yes and the
two
depart.

Sure enough, after few minutes later the door rings and the father
answers. A
kid standing there says 'Hi, I'm Chuck..'

The father shot him.

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