Humor from Ron

My two-year-old nephew, Trevor, thumbed through the pictures in the back of his dad's Bible, proudly naming people and things in each scene. "There's Jesus. There's the tomb ..." When the pictures ended and the maps began, he said enthusiastically, "And there's the weather!"

--Brenda Mayes
Poteet, Texas

It was one of the worst days of my life: the washing machine broke down, the telephone kept ringing, my head ached, and the mail carrier brought a bill I had no money to pay. Almost to the breaking point, I lifted my one-year-old into his highchair, leaned my head against the tray, and began to cry. Without a word, my son took his pacifier out of his mouth and stuck it in mine.

--Clara Null
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

My husband, Carl, was rehearsing his lines for a church production of The Last Supper. Playing the part of Simon Peter, he came to the scene where each disciple replied to Jesus' statement that someone would betray him. Pulling out all the dramatic stops, Carl bellowed to what he thought was an empty living room, "Who could do such a dastardly deed?" A timid response from our preschooler came from behind a chair where he was playing: "I didn't do it, Daddy."

--Kim McCoy
Newark, Ohio

Three-year-old Genna went to see The Lion King with her daddy. During a tense moment when the baby lion screamed, "Help!" Genna couldn't help herself. She yelled, "Call 911!"

--Marjory Foster
Attica, Indiana

When Alex, our three-year-old, began to whine after a shopping trip, I laid down the law. "Alex, I don't want to hear any more whining. The next word that comes out of your mouth must be something good."
After a momentary silence, Alex said in a solemn voice, "Jesus."

--LaRita Marie Heet
Independence, Missouri

Every morning on our way to school, my kids and I pray. When I asked our three-year-old if he wanted to pray, he promptly said, "God, please help Sissy not to suck her thumb." To which Sissy quickly added, "And, God, please help my brother to stop reminding me."

--Linda Pace
Arvada, Colorado

On the highway, we passed a race track. Our six-year-old Rick asked, "What is that place?" "It's where people go to race dogs," I said. After a long pause, Rick observed, "I bet the dogs win."

--Jack Eppolito
Tulsa, Oklahoma

One Sunday night as I went to say bedtime prayers with our three-year-old daughter, Rolana, she pulled the covers up tightly over the lower part of her face, leaving only fearful blue eyes peering out."What's wrong?" I asked. She said, "Today my Sunday school teacher said Jesus came to take our chins away."

--Nancy Martin
Manzanita, Oregon

I was explaining my husband's ordination to our children and mentioned that people at church would be calling him Pastor Robert.
"Do we call him Pastor Robert?" asked our young son.
His wiser four-year-old sister corrected him, "No, we call him Pastor Dad."

--Kelly Tarnoviski
Levittown, Pennsylvania

One day at lunch, I asked my young son, Micah, what he wanted to eat.
"A boy cheese," he replied. I didn't know what he meant until a few days later when I asked him if he wanted a grilled cheese sandwich.
"No," he said, exasperated. "I don't want a girl cheese sandwich. I want a boy cheese."

--Teresa Cleary
Cincinnati, Ohio

My two-year-old grandson, Jeremy, loves to sing--especially with children's movie soundtrack sing-along tapes. Recently his Sunday school teacher was stressing how Jesus loves us all the time, even when we are grumpy. "And happy," Jeremy said. His teacher smiled and nodded. But Jeremy wasn't done with the list. "And sleepy, and sneezy, and dopey, and doc."

--Carol Reasoner
Rialto, California

Over dinner one Saturday evening, my mother mentioned that her church was going to install a second minister on Sunday. This puzzled our younger son since our church has only one minister. Mother explained why her church had two and added, "One of the largest churches in town has five!" At that,
our older son, wide-eyed, exclaimed, "Wow! How long is their service?"

--Mrs. James R. Cole
Rose Hill, Kansas

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