Halloween Survival Guide
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When it appears that you have
killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.
If you find that your house is
built upon or near a cemetary, was once a church used for black
masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed
suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who
performed satanic practices in your house, move away immediately.
Never read a book of demon
summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement,
especially if the power has gone out.
If your children speak to you in
Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if
they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own,
shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the
long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill
them, so be prepared.
When you have the benefit of
numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.
As a general rule, don't solve
puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above,
below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum,
or other house of the dead.
If you're searching for
something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the
cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
If appliances start operating by
themselves, move out.
Do not take *anything* from the
dead.
If you find a town which looks
deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay
away.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA
technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
If you're running from the
monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you
are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact
that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,
it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
If your companions suddenly
begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing,
fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so
on, get away from them as fast as possible.
Stay away from certain
geographical locations, some of which are listed here:
Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble
if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small
town in Maine.
If your car runs out of gas at
night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone
for help.
Beware of strangers bearing
tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric
carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering
irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
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