QUICK-QUIPS ON MARRIAGE
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got
two girlfriends.
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll
be late for
dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've
experienced pain and bought jewelry.
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Marriage is grand - and divorce is about 10 grand.
Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months yet she
stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he
motioned for her
to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what?
You have been
with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were
there to
support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got
shot, you
were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health
started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I
think about it,
I think you bring me bad luck!"
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of
marriage, the man
speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman
speaks and the
man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors
listen.
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over,
made a wish and
threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she
leaned over
too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was
stunned for a
while but then smiled "It really works!"
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you
say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish!
The guy applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way
too qualified
for the job.
"Look Buddy." said the foreman, "have you any
actual experience
"Well... as a matter if fact, Yes!" he replied.
"I've been divorced three times."
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to
report it because
the thief was spending less than his wife did.
A couple was having a discussion about family finances.
Finally the husband
exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be
here!" The
wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I
wouldn't be here."
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.
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