Resume Mistakes

*"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels,
and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

*"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in
computer science, curses in accounting."

*"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest
chain store."

* "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

* "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a
horse."

* "I am a rabid typist."

*"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising
and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

* "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not
appropriate for business."

* "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

* "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

*"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely
nothing and absolutely no one."

*"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind
me."

*"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining
composer."

* "Don't take the comments of my former employer too
seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave
drivers."

* "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess
no training in meteroology, I suppose I should try stock
brokerage."

* "I procrastinate--especially when the task is
unpleasant."

* "I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel
free to resond to my resume on my office voicemanil."

* "Qualifications: No education or experience."

* "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

* "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

* "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on
my head!"

* Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to
hear from you shorty!"