"WOMAN CHOPS OFF SLEEPING HUSBANDS PENIS,
THEN DROPS IT FROM MOVING CAR"
DON'T LAUGH, IT'S TRUE AND IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!
RIGHT NOW, THOUSANDS OF AGITATED, IRATE WOMEN HAVE READ THAT
HEADLINE AND ARE CONTEMPLATING SIMILAR ACTION AGAINST YOU THE
NEXT TIME YOU MAKE AN UNWANTED SEXUAL ADVANCE, LOOK AT THEM
THE WRONG WAY, OR JUST PISS THEM OFF IN GENERAL.
MEN, PROTECT YOURSELF NOW!
IF YOU FOUND YOURSELF A VICTIM OF CDS (CHOP AND DROP SYNDROM)
COULD YOU BE SURE THE APPROPRIATE AUTHORITIES WOULD FIND YOUR
CHOPPED MEMBER IN TIME AND INTACT? COULD YOU BE SURE THE PENIS
PART THEY FOUND WAS YOURS?
INQUIRE NOW ABOUT OUR LOW COST PENIS PROTECTION PLAN.
PLAN 1-WE'LL REGISTER YOUR PENIS AND SCROTUM AND TATTOO THEM
WITH THEIR OWN UNIQUE REGISTRATION NUMBERS, INSURING
THAT IN CASE OF SEPARATION, YOU'LL GET A PERFECT MATCH
EVERY TIME.
PLAN 2-OUR JURASSIC PRICK PROGRAM-WE'LL TAKE A CELL SMAPLE
FROM YOUR PENIS AND CLONE REPLACEMENT PARTS FOR YOU
IN THE EVENT A TRACTOR-TRAILER RUNS OVER YOUR PENIS OR
SOME WILD ANIMAL MISTAKES YOUR DETACHED MEMBER FOR A CHEW
TOY.
PLAN 3-FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO BELIEVE IN PREVENTION, WE OFFER
A ONE SIZE FITS ALL BATTERY-OPERATED STAINLESS STEEL
JOCK STRAP THAT CAN BE WORN WHEN NECESSARY. WHEN YOU'RE
ASLEEP AN ALARM WILL BE ACTIVATED WHEN METAL OR OTHER
HAZARDOUS OBJECTS COME WITHIN ON FOOT OF THE JOCK STRAP.
THIS WILL GUARANTEE YOU A FULL NIGHTS SLEEP, FREE OF
WORRY.
DON'T GET CAUGHT SHORT...
CALL 1-800-SAV-A-DIC TODAY
REMEMBER...THE DICK YOU SAVE COULD BE YOUR OWN!
PRICES VARY ACCORDING TO SIZE.
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