TOP TEN SIGNS THAT FALL IS HERE

10. YOU CAN COUNT YOUR UNUSED VACATION DAYS ON ONE HAND.

9. RAINDROPS FEEL LIKE NEEDLE PRICKS.

8. "C'MON SPOT! LET'S GO FOR A WALK! C'MON BOY!" IS NOW "C'MON SPOT! WE GOTTA TAKE A @$&*ss# WALK!"

7. E-MAIL HAS FEWER JOKES ABOUT SEX ORGANS AND MORE POEMS ABOUT HOLIDAY FESTIVITIES.

6. YOU PASS UP THE SALES OF CAR DE-ICER AND WINDOW SCRAPERS HAVING FORGOTTEN THAT IN THE PREVIOUS YEAR THOSE SAME ITEMS WERE PUT ON THE "ENDAGERED SPECIES" LIST AFTER THE FIRST SNOWFALL.

5. YOU OPEN THE WINDOWS DURING THE DAY, BUT AT NIGHT YOU CRANK UP THE FURNACE.

4. THE SUN GOES DOWN BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE BAR.

3. YOU SYSTEMATICALLY ALIENATE VARIOUS FRIENDS AND RELATIVES IN AN ATTEMPT TO WHITTLE DOWN THE XMAS LIST.

2. BIRD CRAP ROUTINELY BECOMES EMBEDDED IN THE MORNING FROST ON YOU CAR WINDOWS.

1. MILK, EGGS AND BREAD HAVE BEEN NUDGED FROM THE TOP OF THE GROCERY LIST BY ROBITUSSIN, SUDAFED AND THROAT LOZENGES.

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