THE YEAR IS 1985.

A LAW HAS BEEN PASSED BY THE GOVERNMENT REQUIRING EVERY COUPLE MARRIED FIVE YEARS TO HAVE A CHILD. IF UNABLE TO BEAR CHILDREN, A GOVERNMENT MAN IS SENT TO THE HOUSE TO VISIT THE WIFE AND BE THE MEANS OF HER BECOMING A MOTHER.

THERE ARE NO CHILDREN IN THIS FAMILY. IT IS THE MORNING OF THEIR FIFTH ANNIVERSARY AND THE HUSBAND SPEAKS: "WELL, GOOD-BYE, DEAR. I'M OFF FOR THE OFFICE. I SUPPOSE THE GOVERNMENT MAN WILL BE HERE TODAY. (HUSBAND LEAVES WITH BOWED HEAD.)

THE WIFE PRETTIES HERSELF AND POWDERS HER NOSE JUST AS THE DOORBELL RINGS. SHE IS EXPECTING THE GOVERNMENT MAN, BUT A BABY PHOTOGRAPHER WHO HAS COME TO SEE THE LADY OF THE HOUSE ABOUT BABY PICTURES, APPEARS.......

WIFE: OH, GOOD MORNING.
MAN: HOWDO YOU DO? YOU PROBABLY DO NOT KNOW ME. I REPRESENT THE.....
WIFE: YOU NEED NOT EXPLAIN, MISTER.
MAN: JONES IS THE NAME, MADAM. I MAKE IT A SPECIALTY OF....
WIFE: YES, I KNOW. IT'S QUITE ALRIGHT. WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
MAN: YOUR HUSBAND IS AGREEABLE, I SUPPOSE?
WIFE: OH, YES, AND WE BOTH DECIDED IT WAS THE BEST THING TO DO.
MAN: WELL, IN THAT CASE I MAY AS WELL GET BUSY.
WIFE: I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH HOW WE DO IT. JUST WHERE DO WE START?
MAN: JUST LEAVE THAT TO ME, MADAM. I RECOMMEND TWO IN THE BATHTUB, ONE OR TWO ON THE COUCH, AND A COUPLE ON THE FLOOR.
WIFE: BATHTUB? FLOOR? GOOD HEAVENSMAN: WELL, MY DEAR, EVEN THE BEST OF US CAN'T GET A GOOD ONE EVERY TIME, BUT OUT OF SIX, ONE IS BOUND TO BE A HONEY. I USUALLY HAVE THE BEST LUCK WITH THE BATHTUB SHOTS.
WIFE: YOU'LL HAVE TO FORGIVE ME, BUT IT DOES SEEM A LITTLE INFORMAL.
MAN: THE CHARM OF THE WHOLE THING IS THE INFORMALITY. PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE SOME OF THE SAMPLES OF MY WORK?
WIFE: SAMPLES? WELL, I SUPPOSE SO. AFTER ALL, THERE IS NO HURRY-----IS THERE?
MAN: NO, INDEED, THAT'S RIGHT. A MAN IN MY LINE CAN'T DO HIS WORK IN A HURRY. (OPENS ALBUM AND SHOWS IT TO HER.) BUT ISN'T THIS A BEAUTY?
WIFE: YES, INDEED, A LOVELY CHILD
MAN: BUT FOR A TOUGH ASSIGNMENT, HAVE A LOOK AT THIS. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IT WAS DONE ON TOP OF A 5TH AVENUE BUS
WIFE: A 5TH AVENUE BUS??????
MAN: IT'S REALLY NOT HARD WHEN YOU KNOW HOW. A MAN IN MY LINE KNOWS HOW, MAKING IT A REAL PLEASURE. NOW HERE'S A SHOT THAT WAS MADE AT WALKER'S AT HIGH NOON. YES, ONE SHOT, MIND YOU
WIFE: WELL, ONE SHOT AT WALKER'S SEEMS A LITTLE PUBLIC.
MAN: WELL, THERE IS A LITTLE SECRET TO THAT. THE MOTHER OF THE CHILD WAS A MOVIE ACTRESS AND NEEDED A LITTLE PUBLICITY. AND DID SHE GET IT BUT THE MOST DIFFICULT JOB IN MY WHOLE LIFE WAS THIS. (HE TURNS PAGE AND SHOWS HER A SET OF TWINS.)
WIFE: HOW DARLING---TWINS
MAN: YES, AND THE HANDSOMEST BOYS YOU EVER SAW. I KNOCKED THAT JOB OUT IN BALBOA PARK.
WIFE: GOODNESS
MAN: YES, MADAM, IT WAS FROM TWO IN THE AFTERNOON UNTIL FIVE THAT NIGHT. I NEVER WORKED UNDER MORE DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES. WHAT WITH PEOPLE FOUR AND FIVE DEEP RUSHING AND CROWDING TO LOOK.....
WIFE: PEOPLE FOUR AND FIVE DEEP????????
MAN: YES, PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, JUST IMAGINE THREE HOURS UNDER HANDI-CAPS LIKE THAT. TWO POLICEMEN HELPED US. I COULD HAVE GOTTEN ANOTHER SHOT OR TWO BEFORE DARK, BUT THEN THE SQUIRRELS GOT TO KNAWING AT MY EQUIPMENT.

THE WIFE THEN FAINTED.....

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