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YOU GOTTA READ ALL... THIS IT IS MORE THAN FUNNY.
NEW VIRUS ALERT...
Immediately scan
your computer for the following viruses!
PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine,
but complains loudly about foreign software.
COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes it's presence known
but doesn't do anything.
Secretly you wish it would.
HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only
to reappear mysteriously a year later; in another directory.
O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of
trashing your system, but you just can't prove it.
BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's
been around too long to be much of a threat.
STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files reported as the
same size.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This virus doesn't horse
around, warns you of impending attack. Once if by LAN, twice if
by C.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies
itself as a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an
"electronic micro-organism".
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component
in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome
monitor.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Thier is sumthing rong with
yur koputer, but ewe cant figyur outt watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works,
but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but
it makes a lot people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard
disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does
practically nothing; but all of which claim to be the most
important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: 60% of the PC's infected will
lose 30% of their data 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5%
margin of error).
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than
any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes
out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up
and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on
each side. The message says that the blame for the grid lock is
caused by the other side.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but
your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes
obsessed with marrying it's own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your program stops running every
few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and
lazy; then self destructs only to surface at shopping malls and
service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to
become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless
you buy new cables, power supply and shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your program can never be
found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut
down as an act of mercy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in
places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a
day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.00.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly
stating; "Read my docs...No New Files!" on the screen.
It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with
new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
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