Gotta figure out where to buy some of these:

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks Roy, I'm stuffed!"

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Hard work has future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

All generalizations are false.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

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