OMITTED DEFINITIONS FROM THE DICTIONARY...
In 1831, Mr. Webster published the first dictionary of the
English language. Unfortunately, he omitted several definitions -
mostly those related to the daily lives of women. The following
definitions, written from the viewpoint of Mrs. Webster, are to
help correct that oversight.
Aaaack (aak) interj
An utterance upon running directly into a spider web first thing
in the morning - and you don't know where the spider is now.
Airhead (er-hed) n
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a
policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar-bi-q) n
You bought groceries, washed lettuce, chopped tomatoes, diced
onions, marinated meat and cleaned everything up, but he
"made dinner."
Baseball Bat (bas-bol bat) n
An anti-burglar device.
Children (chil-dren) n
What men become when they get the flu.
Computer (kom-pew-ter) n
The one thing in a woman's life that does exactly what she tells
it to.
Dog (dawg) n
A creature who hears a burglar, barks once, then hides in the
closet.
Eternity (e-ter-ni-tee) n
The last two minutes of a football game.
Four Food Groups (for food groops) n
Chocolate, wine coolers, potato chips and ice cream.
Grocery List (grow-ser-ee list) n
What you spend half-an-hour writing, then forget to take with you
to the store.
Home (hom) n
A dwelling that ideally has the same number of bathrooms as
people.
Idunno (i-dun-no) n
The person who broke your favorite vase.
Jeans (jeenz) n
Blue: Casual wear Black: Formal wear
Kiss (kis) n
A small token of affection, usually chocolate.
Lipstick (lip-stick) n
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On
his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.
Men's Sale (minz sal) n
It's OK to get one on sale, just make sure the store has a good
return policy.
New Age (noo aj) n
The age a woman gives instead of her real age.
Opinion (o-pin-yen) n
Advice you get whether you ask for it or not.
Park (park) v, n
Before children, a verb meaning "to go somewhere and
neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing
and slide.
Pizza (peet-za) n
An excellent breakfast food.
Pregnancy (pre-nan-see) n
You gain 30 lbs of water weight, but he says "we're
pregnant."
Romance Novel (ro-mans-nov-el) n
A completely believable story in which an arrogant, boorish,
rude, cold-hearted cad by day turns into a sensitive, caring,
thoughtful, passionate lover by night.
Screwdriver (skrew-dri-ver) n
A hardware tool designed to be turned around and used as a
hammer.
Significant Other (sig-nif-i-kant uth-er) n
A husband, fiance, live-in boyfriend, or someone you've
introduced to your parents.
Stretch Marks (strech marcs) n
Badges of honor.
Teddy Bear (ted-ee bare) n
A companion who gives you a hug whenever you want, never snores,
doesn't bother you when you're talking on the phone and doesn't
eat the last chocolate chip cookie.
Valentine's Day (val-en-tinez dae) n
A day when you have dreams of a candelight dinner, diamonds and
romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Weight Lfting (wate lif-ting) n
What every woman does when she carries her baby, purse and two
bags groceries.
Yippee (yip-ee) interj
What a woman thinks when a man says he'll call--then does.
Zillion (zil-yen) n
The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then
end up doing it yourself anyway.
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