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YOU MIGHT BE FROM A SMALL TOWN IF...
You can name everyone you graduated with
You get a whiff of manure and think of home
You know what 4-H is
You ever went to "headlight parties"
You used to drag "main"
You said the "f" word and your parents knew within the hour.
You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know
which ones will bust you and which ones won't.
You ever went cow-tipping
You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the "buyer" for
all of the best parties
You have parties at the same guy's house
Your best friend is a beer whore
School gets cancelled for state sporting events
The town social events are their children's.
You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if
you were old enough they'd tell your parents anyhow)
When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy smokes, you still had to go
out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them
Social acceptance in town depended on the approval of the five old (but rich) hags that
met each morning at the donut shop for the latest smut
You were ever in the Homecoming parade
You have ever gone home for Homecoming
You fix up to go buy milk lest anyone starts the rumor that you have gained weight or quit
taking care of yourself
No place sells gas on Sunday
Friday nights fun consisted of standing in line for the one screen theater and since it
was sold out, watching truckers and drinking coffee at the truck stop (the only place open
after 10)
You have to drive an hour to buy a pair of socks
It was cool to date someone from Coffeyville (neighboring town)
You have ever gone for a walk in the cemetery, on a date
You ordered your wardrobe out of a catalog
You had a senior skip day
The whole school went to the same party after graduation
The only "clique" that nobody would be nice to was the skurves across the street
You have had sex with one of your teachers and you still didn't get an A
You don't give directions by street names or house numbers, but you give directions by
references (turn by Armstrongs' Liquor, go two blocks past Andersons', and it's four
houses left of the track field)
Ways to Tell if a Redneck is Working at a Computer in
your Office
1. The mouse is referred to as a,
"critter."
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
3. There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
4. There is a gunrack is mounted on the CPU.
5. The password is, "bubba."
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
7. (Nothing on this line but the number 7 again to prove that I ain't no
redneck.)
8. Windows 95 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
9. Outgoing faxes have beerstains on them.
10. The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
11. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
12. The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
13. Jeff Foxworthy *.wavs.
14. The monitor is up on blocks.
15. Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
16. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
17. The screen saver consists of pictures of Ned Beatty with Dueling Banjos playing
in the
background.
18. The six front keys have rotted out.
19. Four Words: John Deer Pocket Protectors.
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