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The Top 15 Biblical Ways to Obtain a Wife 15. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home,
shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.. 14. Find a prostitute and marry her. 13. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by
watering his flock. 12. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as
part of the deal. 11. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to
dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. 10. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.
Note: this will cost you a rib. 9. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's
hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years
for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years
of toil for a woman. 8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's
enemies and get his daughter for a wife. 7. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a
bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.) 6. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a
beauty contest. 5. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your
parents, "I have seen a...woman; now get her for me." If your
parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for
me." 4. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose
four sons though). 3. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow.
(It's not just a good idea, it's the law). 2. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with
quantity. 1. A wife?...NOT!!!
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