Small differences

Lori sent me this: "I'm currently taking a Shakespeare course, and the first play we are studying is Hamlet. My professor saw a performance of this play in London. During the scene at the end of the third act where Hamlet is verbally berating his mother, the actor portraying Hamlet ripped all his clothes off and stood up straight with full frontal nudity.

My professor could not comprehend this interpretation until he was on the plane coming back home to the states. He informed his wife that it was "a tribute to Willie".
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What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
Bad Golfer: "Whack!" "Fuck!"
Bad Skydiver: "Fuck!!" "Whack!!"
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One of my friends sent me this:
"I am a diabetic and had the opportunity to explain to a friend how I test my blood sugar levels using a glucose test kit.
As I held the lancet in preparation of drawing blood, I explained,
"the first thing I do is finger my prick..."
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Q: Did you hear about the new brand of tires - Firestein?
A: They not only stop on a dime, they pick it up.

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