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Questions Women want
answers to.
Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing, similar
to your PMS thing; we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average
lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching
and nagging we have to endure)? Hormones modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.
Why do men always have to ogle at other women?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just
fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just
much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic
memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack
this innate ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.
Why do men always touch themselves, especially
in public?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like
adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.
Why do men always say such stupid things?
We just like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our woman frustrated by a few
simple, well-chosen words.
Why are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble
with your woman.
Why do men have to act like such retards?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the
old-fashioned pride in a job-well-done that's missing in so much of the world today. Like
whatever happened to the union label ? Huh?
Why can't men just share their feelings?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are
different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel?
Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, intercourse, disgust, or
a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a migraine headache
whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
Why can't men just cuddle more (i.e. lie down
and hug)?
Please! How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige you as much as we can,
but who the hell (besides women) can stomach hugging for hours on end? We men... Men
hunters... Need go roam... Must go find Wildebeest... Cuddle-bullshit is a whole n'other
story.
How can men sit on their asses all day without
moving?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to
sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often
necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more
successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time, thereby
passing on this ability to their progeny. The figgity types were all gobbled up by
saber-toothed tigers, etcetera. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with
this highly refined innate ability.
Why can't men just say "I love you?"
Get real! Men are taught from a tender age to be self-sufficient. To say that we
love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. All true men consider this a character
fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.
Why do men say "I love you" when they
hardly know me?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you just special? Well, some men think it's a sure-fire way to get
into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.
What does it mean when men say "I Love
You?"
1.) Please sleep with me.
2.) I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did.
3.) I forgot to get you a gift; this will have to do.
4.) Huh? I'm sorry; I wasn't listening.
5.) What the hell did I forget? This should buy me a little time.
6.) Stop nagging me, bitch!
7.) What do I have to do to get a beer around here?
8.) I want to drool on your tits!
9.) I'm hard and don't want to waste it!
10.) The check is in the mail!
Why doesn't my husband ever answer me?
We just simply don't have the energy to waste answering every single stupid question of
yours. If we think that you will not like the answer,we simply remain quiet and save the
energy for other more important things.
Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Get real again! Why should we? It doesn't really bother us. Besides, we know darn
well you'll pick it up.
What's with all the belching and farting?
This usually only occurs after months of quality courting. It's our way to let you know
that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of
affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps --
which have proven to be much more severe than your silly little menstrual cramps.
Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt; women gather. We just want to go out, kill it a
couple of times, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things
we have no intention of killing? err... Buying?
Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?
Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet seat is up.
Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the time
spent peeing over the time spent sitting. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer
the proposition. Besides, it's actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we
care if we pee all over the seat. You're the ones that have to sit on it. You should
appreciate the fact that we actually lift the damn thing -- instead of getting so pissy
about it! Yes, we aim to please.
Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?
Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos are generally much easier
to get along (alone) with. They like having fun and doing exciting things. They don't walk
around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. They don't ever give us a hard
time for being a dumb male; plus they laugh at all of our jokes (even the ones they don't
get). What more could any real man ask for?
Why do men act like they own the remote control?
What do you mean "act"? We do! We paid for the damn thing -- plus, possession is
nine-tenths of the law. Besides, it is an awesome responsibility, not to be entrusted to
just anyone. I believe the only fair way to decide who gets the remote control is to
arm-wrestle for it.
Why can't men stay on a single channel for more
than two seconds?
Are you kidding? What if there is something good on the next channel? We could miss it if
we stay on one channel too long. (See also: Why do men fear commitment?)
Why do men fear commitment?
Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 'commitment' means and many of us can
actually spell it correctly. Commitment is a lot like an automobile. No matter how
good you think this year's model is, they're always coming out with newer, faster, better,
sleeker, and sexier models. We simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one we see.
We must browse around a bit and test drive a few. Who wants to end up with a lemon? At
least with a car, there's a slight chance of it eventually becoming a classic. It simply
makes much more sense to lease and upgrade to the younger... err... I mean newer models
every couple of years. Some of them come with fun extras -- like dual air bags.
What does it mean when men say, "I'm just
not ready for a relationship right now"?
It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but not enough so that we want to see
you repeatedly.
What does it mean when men say, "Can we
just be friends?"
Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is so physically repulsive that not
even beer goggles are thick enough to provide adequate protection.
Do all men really masturbate?
Yes. It is genetically inherited behavior. It's been passed on from our most primal
forefathers, and it'll be passed on to our sons.
Why do men generally have greater upper body
strength?
Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity, nutrition, and environment. (See
also: Do all men really masturbate?)
Why do men always have better hand-eye or
spatial coordinate motor coordination than any woman?
It is like with all things. Practice... Practice... Practice...(See also: Do all men
really masturbate?)
Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?
As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were obsessed with ugly women,
there would be just as much bitching about why men are so obsessed with ugly women. No
matter how you set this up, some bitch is always going to be left out. I don't see anyone
screaming about equal treatment for the stupid people. Huh?
Why do men like younger women?
Well, let's see. Besides the fact that they like us older men, they're easily impressed.
They also have perky tits, are energetic enough to stay awake after 8:00pm, and come with
very little baggage. And gravity hasn't reshaped their body.
Why do men only have one thing on their minds?
While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true. We may only be able to
entertain only one idea at a time, but we do think of lots of other things besides sex,
such as sports and beer. We also get hungry quite often. So there!
How can men possibly find that other woman
attractive (i.e. -- Whatever do you see in that fat mistress pig)?
Even if you happen to be Miss America, once we get the idea that you are ours, other women
suddenly become much more attractive and you lose quite a few attractiveness points.
Actually, I'm a bit puzzled by this one myself. I think evolution is to blame. We men are
just innocent bystanders in the war of the selfish genes. You should just love us for
ourselves -- despite our inherent weakness.
Why are men such dogs?
My dog resents that. Dogs are... loyal... affectionate... obedient... and faithful !!!
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