You might be in the medical field if:

1) Discussing dismemberment over gourmet meals seems normal to you

2) Your idea of a good time is a full code at change of shift

3) You no longer get pissed off when you've been peed on

4) You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac

5) Your idea of comforting a child is to place him in a papoose restraint

6) You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a diagnosis

7) You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce

8) You believe CHOCOLATE is a food group (ed. note: and chocolate and mountain dew will get you through the night)

9) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet around here"

10) When you're out in public and you compliment a complete stranger on his great veins

11) You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "eternal care facility"

12) Your idea of a really good time is dueling trauma rooms

13) You don't think a referral to Dr. Kavorkian is inappropriate for this patient

14) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "SUICIDE...Getting It Right the First Time"

15) You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you began laughing uncontrollably

16) The most commonly uttered phrase on night shift is, "What changed tonight at 0200 that makes it an emergency after 6 months?"

17) You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis

18) You believe the waiting room should be supplied with a Valium saltlick

19) You have ever referred to the ER as a "shit magnet"

20) When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group

21) You're totally astounded when someone speaks English

22) Your patient states, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there"

23) You can identify the "positive teeth to tattoo" ratio

24) You have your weekends off marked and planned for one year

25) You encourage and obnoxious patient to sign out AMA just so you don't have to deal with him anymore

top