A LETTER FROM MY DEAR OLE MOTHER

DEAR SON:

I'M WRITING THIS LETTER SLOW CAUSE I KNOW YOU CAN'T READ FAST. WE DON'T LIVE WHERE WE DID WHEN YOU LEFT. YOUR DAD READ IN THE PAPER WHERE ACCIDENTS HAPPEN WITHIN TWENTY MILES OF HOME. SO WE MOVED. I WON'T BE ABLE TO SEND YOU THE ADDRESS AS THE LAST FAMILY THAT LIVED HERE TOOK THE NUMBERS WITH THEM FOR THEIR NEXT HOUSE SO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR ADDRESS.

THIS PLACE HAS A WASHING MACHINE. THE FIRST DAY I PUT FOUR SHIRTS IN, PULLED THE CHAIN AND HAVEN'T SEEN 'EM SINCE.

IT ONLY RAINED TWICE THIS WEEK, THREE DAYS THE FIRST TIME AND FOUR DAYS THE SECOND TIME.

THE COAT YOU WANTED ME TO SEND YOU, YOUR AUNT SUE SAID IT WOULD BE TOO HEAVY TO SEND IN THE MAIL WITH THEM HEAVY BUTTONS, SO WE CUT THEM OFF AND PUT THEM IN THE POCKETS.

WE GOT A BILL FROM THE FUNERAL HOME, SAID IF WE DIDN'T MAKE THE LAST PAYMENT ON GRANDMA'S FUNERAL - UP SHE COMES.

ABOUT YOUR FATHER. HE HAS A LOVELY NEW JOB. HE HAS NEARLY 500 MEN UNDER HIM. HE IS CUTTING GRASS AT THE CEMENTERY.

ABOUT YOUR SISTER. SHE HAD A BABY THIS MORNING. I HAVEN'T FOUND OUT WHETHER IT IS A BOY OR A GIRL, SO I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ARE AN AUNT OR UNCLE.

YOUR UNCLE JOHN FELL IN THE WHISKEY VAT. SOME MEN TRIED TO PULL HIM OUT BUT HE FOUGHT THEM OFF. SO HE DROWNED. WE CREMATED HIM. HE BURNED FOR THREE DAYS.

THREE OF YOUR FRIENDS WENT OFF THE BRIDGE IN A PICKUP. ONE WAS DRIVING, THE OTHER TWO WERE IN THE BACK. THE DRIVER GOT OUT. HE ROLLED THE WINDOW DOWN AND SWAM TO SAFETY. THE OTHER TWO DROWNED. THEY COULDN'T GET THE TAILGATE DOWN.

NOT MUCH MORE NEWS THIS TIME, NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.

WRITE MORE OFTEN. LOVE, MOM.

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