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50 WAYS TO TELL
IF YOU'RE GHETTO :
BY Shawn Wayans,
Chris Spencer & Sali McCullough
You Know You're Ghetto if...
-You put sugar on your frosted flakes
-Your kids were in your wedding.
-You call your mama by her first name.
-You have a car phone and no car.
-You iron dirty clothes.
-You've been a guest on Ricky Lake.
-You wear house shoes to the grocery store.
-You're nineteen and you just met your father.
-You use a clothes hanger as a TV antenna.
-You have a wife and kids but still live at home.
-You chew ice.
-You cain't kant spell "can't."
-You still wear anything that says "Whoop, there it is."
-You record over previously recorded tapes.
-Your mom does your hair in the kitchen.
-You don't pay your rent until you get a three-day notice.
-You put on panty-hose instead of shaving your legs.
-You buy clothes for a party and return them to the store the next day.
-You only go to church on Easter and Mother's Day or to meet women.
-Your first name begins with Ta', La', or Sha'.
-You took the batteries out of the smoke detector to put in your pager.
-Your bank is a check-cashing place.
-You have to put stuff on layaway at the 99-cent store.
-Your man can wear his hair in a ponytail but you can't.
-You're hooked on ebonics.
-You think putting batteries in the refrigerator recharges them.
-You take bubble bath with dishwashing liquid.
-You return gifts for the money.
-You yell "Pookie" in your house and five people turn around.
-You think going to prison is "keeping it real."
-You save cooking grease.
-The only dates marked on calendar are the 1st and the 15th.
-You keep food stamps in money clip.
-You think grease and water make your hair curly.
-You wear tube socks with dress shoes.
-You add water to shampoo to stretch it.
-You put you kids to sleep with NyQuil.
-You use your welfare check as collateral.
-You can read your haircut.
-You use a toothbrush to style your "baby hair".
-You named your daughters after cars you can't afford.
-You bought your rims before you bought your car.
-Your fingernails are longer than your fingers.
-You think jury duty is a good way to make money.
-You think going on a diet means no candy.
-You have a drawer in your kitchen just for condiments from fast-food
restaurants.
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