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NEW POLICY IN HEAVEN
It was getting a little crowded in heaven, so God decided
to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you
had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the
following day.
So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering about new law, promptly asked the man, "before I
can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died."
"No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife
was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her
lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was going to come
home too, and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching
for this guy. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
But, damn it, I couldn't find him!
Just when I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed
that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy
to think he could hide from me! Well I ran out there and promptly stomped on his
fingers until he fell to the ground. But, wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes
that broke his fall, and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more so in a rage I went
back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. And
oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was the refrigerator. I unplugged it,
pushed it out onto the balcony and heaved it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and
crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that right after
that, I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The angel sat back and thought for a moment. Technically, the guy DID have a bad day and
it WAS a crime of passion. So he announced, "Ok, sir, welcome to the Kingdom of
Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. "Ok, here's
the rule. Before I can let you in, I need to hear about the day you died."
"Sure thing", the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I was
out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises when I got a little
carried away and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily however, I was able to
catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony directly beneath mine. When all of a sudden
this crazy man comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping on my
fingers!
Well of course I fall. I hit some trees and bushes on the way down which broke my fall. So
I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in
excruciating pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the ledge and
it falls directly on top of me and kills me!"
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I
could get used to this new policy", he thinks to himself. "Very well, " the
angel announces. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven", and lets the man enter.
A few seconds later a third man comes up to the gate. "Tell me about the day you
died," said the angel. "Ok. Picture this," says the man. "I'm naked
inside a refrigerator...."
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