Newspaper Ads

As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips:

  • Lost: small apricot poodle.  Reward.   Neutered.  Like one of the family.
  • A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
  • Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
  • For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers .
  • For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
  • Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
  • Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
  • Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
  • Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
  • We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
  • No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
  • For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
  • For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
  • Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh vagetables, salads, quiche.
  • 7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.
  • Great Dames for sale.
  • Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
  • Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
  • 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
  • Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
  • Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
  • If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
  • Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
  • The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
  • Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
  • Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
  • Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
  • Stock up and save. Limit: one.
  • Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
  • We build bodies that last a lifetime.
  • Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last .
  • This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.
  • For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
  • For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
  • Man, honest. Will take anything.
  • Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
  • Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
  • Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
  • Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
  • o Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
  • Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
  • Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
  • Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
  • 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
  • Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
  • Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
  • Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
  • See ladies blouses. 50% off!
  • Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
  • Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
  • Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume generalhousekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
  • Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
  • Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.
  • Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
  • And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
  • We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
top