Twenty Pound Pig

He asks the farmer for a twenty pound pig. The farmer goes into the pen, searches around awhile. He picks up a pig, puts the tail in his mouth, and begins swinging the pig around for a few seconds. He puts the pig down, and says, "Nope, not quite twenty pounds."

He picks up another pig, puts the tail in his mouth, swings the pig around for a few seconds, puts the pig down and declares, "This ones twenty pounds!" He brings the pig out, and the man says in a shocked tone, "You can't weigh a pig like that!"

"Sure I can," said the farmer. "Watch this." He calls his son over and asks him to weigh the pig. The boy comes over, picks the pig up, puts the tail in his mouth and swings it around for a few seconds. He puts the pig down and says, "This one weighs twenty pounds."

The man still looked perplexed, so the farmer tells his son to go get his mother so that she can weigh the pig.

After five minutes, the boy returns alone and says, "She can't come out just yet, she's up there weighing the mailman!!

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Olaf died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that the morgue
needed someone to I.D. the body. So they called up his two friends
Swen and Lars to come and try to I.D. the body.

Swen went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet and Swen said
"Yaa, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."

So the mortician rolled him over and Swen looked at his ass and said
"No dat ain't Olaf."

The mortician didn't say any thing but thought that was kind of strange.

Then he brought in Lars to I.D. the body and Lars looked at him and
said "Yaa he's burnt real bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Lars looked down at his ass and said
"No dat ain't Olaf."

The mortician said "How can you tell?" Lars said "Well Olaf had two
assholes."

"What? he had two assholes?" said the mortician. "Yaa, everyone in town
knew he had two assholes. Every time the three of us went to town
everyone would say "Here comes Olaf with them two assholes!"
>
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The cannibal father decided that it was time that junior was to
participate in the gathering of food. After a long walk, they come
across an unsuspecting missionary. The father cannibal admonishes
junior, and says,
" As this is your first time out, you start at the feet, and I'll
start at the head. BUT, remember, you must eat slowly so you don't
get sick ."
" Okay dad," replies junior.
A few minutes after they start eating, the father asks junior,
" How's it going junior, are you okay ?"
" Yes dad," replies junior, " I'm having a ball."
"Darn it junior," bemoans the father, " I told you to eat slowly."

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