How many people do you know can use any of these?

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can't get his pants off!

Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open. Just make sure the strings are still attached.

I'm not having hot flashes, I'm having power surges!

Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.

We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen all at once.

If at first you don't succeed, to heck with it.

Do unto others, then run.-- Benny Hill

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.

My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there. -- Carrie Fisher

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

I put the "fun" in dysfunctional.

Baroque (adj.): When you are out of Monet.

All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.

I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager.

I am Woman. I am Invincible. I am Tired.

My Reality Check bounced.

I get plenty of exercise -- jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

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