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Three For the Road
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A truck driver was driving along when he notices this female
hitchhicker so he slams on the brakes and picks her up. They go through the pleasantries
of meeting one another and then the truck driver asks if she would give up a little
something for the ride. She says, "Okay, but what are we going to name the
baby?" This scares the trucker so he lets her off and goes on his way.
A few days later he sees another female hitchhicker and picks her up also. He gets to know
her and again he asks if she would give up a little something for the ride. She says,
" Okay, but what are we going to name the baby?" He thinks for a little while
and then says, "Will think of something when we are done."
They have sex a couple of times and then sit back to enjoy a cigarette when the girl asks,
"So what are we going to name the baby?" He says, "Oh! Thanks for reminding
me!" He reaches down and removes a condom, ties a knot in it, and throws it out of
the window. He looks over at her and says, " If it gets out of that we'll name it
Houdini!"
A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing
he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and
asked if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk
told him apologetically, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve
your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted
fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz
and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in
the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.
Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures - 25 cents."
"Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the
slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most
When Away from Their Wives - cost 50 cents."
The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty
cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his "thing" into the opening - with
great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for 2 weeks.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later
it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his
"thingy"...
Which now had a button sewed on the tip.
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A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom
& Pop" grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The
grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry
to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But
you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in
this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for
it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked
the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added,
"I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed
him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"
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