For Better or Much Worse...


I often do series of jokes on male logic, but this one has to be a classic. A friend of mine kind-of summed-up his feelings towards his wife by saying: "If Candy really loved me, she would have married someone else."

No piker herself when it comes to retorts, I once asked Mrs. Jim Jr. if she would love me when I'm old and bald. She replied, "It's tuff enough now when you're middle-aged and hairy."

Father Tomlinson had given a rather lengthy sermon on the joys of married life. On the way out the door, Patty said to Grace, "I wish I knew as little about the subject as he does."

I have an Uncle who firmly believes that a career and marriage don't mix. So, when he got married, he stopped working.

I doubt there's any marriage where the partners don't quarrel once in a while. When my daughter was a teen, she greeted me one morning with: "I understand you & Mom had some words last night." I replied, "Well... I had some all ready, but never got a chance to use them."

* I have an old friend from high school who's been married so many times, she's got rice marks all over her face.

* Always remember: Single people die young. So if you want a long slow death, get married.

A letter from school:

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. 

Love,Your $on.

A week later....a letter from 'HOME'

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraghy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad.

Two dwarves

Two dwarves decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the  fact that, from the next room he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed."

Computer acronyms

PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
APPLE  - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI - System Can't See It
DOS - Defective Operating System
BASIC  - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
DEC - Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2  - Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW - World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
GIRO - Garbage In Rubbish Out
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

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