A Flu Shot Won't Cure...

Lorena Bobbit virus:
Turns your 9 gigabyte hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy

Woody Allen virus:
Bypasses the motherboard and uses the daughter card

Tonya Harding virus:
Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons

Paul Revere virus:
Warns of an impending virus infection...1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:

Joey Buttafuoco virus:
Only attacks minor files

Ollie North virus:
Plays a patriotic .WAV as it shreds your files

Ronald Reagan virus:
Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored

Jane Fonda virus:
Attacks your hard drive's FAT (File Allocation Tables)

Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus" but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism"

Ross Perot virus:
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and says to resident, "I'll be back."

Adam and Eve virus:
Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple computer

Congressional virus #1:
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem

Congressional virus #2:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything

Airline virus:
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore

Freudian virus:
Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard, or becomes very jealous of your friend's hard drive

PBS virus:
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money

Jimmy Hoffa virus:
Your programs can never be found again

LAPD virus:
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense"

O.J. Simpson virus:
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it

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