Six In One Sitting

A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I am NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?" The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

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A loyal reader wrote us, retelling the story about the military pilot calling Air Traffic Control (ATC) for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Rather than grant the fighter jock the priority he requested, ATC told him he was, 'number two to land behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.' "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach!"

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AN OLD MAN WALKED INTO A LINGERIE STORE AND BOUGHT A SKIMPY NEGLIGEE, HOPING IT WOULD PUT SOME SPARK INTO HIS MARRIAGE. WHEN HE GAVE IT TO HIS WIFE, SHE SAID "OH HONEY, IT'S LOVELY," BUT TO HERSELF SHE THOUGHT, WHAT'S THIS? WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN YEARS. THAT NIGHT THE MAN ASKED HIS WIFE TO SLIP INTO THE NEGLIGEE. SHE WENT INTO THE BATHROOM AND FOUND THAT IT WAS THE WRONG SIZE. HIS EYESIGHT IS SO POOR, SHE THOUGHT, I'LL COME OUT NAKED, GET INTO BED AND HE'LL PUT HIS ARMS AROUND ME AND FALL ASLEEP AS USUAL. SOON SHE WALKED OUT, AND HER HUSBAND STARED AT HER INTENTLY. CONSIDERING WHAT I PAID FOR IT, HE REMARKED, "YOU'D THINK THEY WOULD HAVE AT LEAST PRESSED IT".

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A ventriloquist from New York took his act on the road to Mississippi. After about twenty minutes of performing joke after joke about rednecks a good ol' boy in the audience stood up and said, "I'm damn tired of you Yankees makin' fun of us southern folks and always tryin' to make us look stupid. If you don't stop it right now I'm going to come up there and shut you up!" The ventriloquist said, "Take it easy buddy, they're just jokes." The redneck replied, "You stay out of this...I'm talkin' to that little loudmouth on your lap!"

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A guy goes into a bar and notices a gorgeous young woman in the tightest pants he's ever seen. The guy can't help asking, "How does a person get into those pants?" She smiles. "Well, you could offer to buy me a drink first."

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Subject: All due to Clean Living

In the smoking-car the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject. "Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life----no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner--a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then--" "Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but what were you in for?"