"PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer."

Official sign near door: Door Alarmed.
Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.

Guys: No shirt, No service
Girls: No shirt, No charge

A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race
Let's see who can go downhill the fastest

Two signs found one above the another in a country
kitchen several years ago:

Restrooms <-----
Please wait for hostess to seat you.

Seen in a health food store_
" Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot "

"Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense."