Another Darwin Award,

There are many transmission lines that crisscross Connecticut. These are held up by Transmission Towers of various constructions. Those most commonly installed near urban areas are called "metal Ornamental Towers" (supposedly prettier than wood towers).

Sometimes adventurous folks climb the towers in order to enjoy the view and the night air. Most stay away from the wires, and when they get bored, come back down.

Apparently, a man who was forlorn after a recent spat with his girlfriend needed some fresh air to clear his head and decided to climb a tower.

He stopped for a 6 pack to help clear his thoughts, went to a tower south of Hartford, next to I-91, and climbed it. Public Service employees later pieced the story together.

The man sat there 60 feet above the highway, drank his beer and consoled his bruised ego. After 5 beers, he needed to do what people often need to do after 5 beers. It being such a long hike down, he unzipped and did his business right there off the tower.

Electricity is a funny thing. One doesn't need to touch a wire in order to get shocked. Depending on conditions, 115,000-volt lines, like those supported by the tower, could shock a person as far away as 6 feet.

When the man "whizzed" near the conductor (wire), the power arced to his "stream" (urine is an excellent conductor of electricity), traveled up to his private parts, and blew him off the tower.

The guys at the power company noted a momentary outage on this line and sent repairmen to see if there was any damage. When they got to the scene of the accident, they found a very dead person, his fly down, what was left of his private parts smoking, and a single beer left on top of the tower.

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.

"No, thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."

As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife?" he asked.

"Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said.... "Please bring up a postcard."

Miss Bee was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and  kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.

Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bee had flipped... or something. But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor.

When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Bee," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this" (Pointing to the bowl)

"Oh yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall, and I found this little package. It said to put it on the organ and keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know, I think it's working! I haven't had a cold all winter."

An old guy goes to the doctor for his annual exam, and the doctor returns with bad news.

The doctor says, "Well, I am sorry to inform you of this, but you have cancer and you have Alzheimer's. There is nothing we can do."

The man says, "It could be worse. At least I don't have cancer."

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