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The Top 16 Signs Your Kids Have Been Watching Too Much
"Jerry Springer" 16> During Sunday sermon, they hold a palm up to the pastor and say, "Talk to the hand!" 15> Every night at the dinner table, it's the same routine: "Eat your vegetables!" ....and the chairs go flying. 14> You've had to replace the babysitter with three burly stagehands. 13> Dinner topic: "Teenage boys who hide 'Playboy' under their mattresses." 12> Junior's new mastery of the headlock has made him the star of his high school debate team. 11> Have evolved from playing "Doctor" to "Plastic Surgeon specializing in Male Enlargement." 10> They want to know why they only live in a house instead of a double-wide trailer. 9> At the dinner table, little Billy announces a surprise guest: your secretary/mistress. 8> Your Elvis shrine ain't been Endusted in two weeks. 7> Her tendency to hop up on tables, tear her shirt open and dance suggestively has gotten you banned from more than one Chuck E. Cheese. 6> Your youngest has stopped calling you "Mommy" in favor of "Crack-ho." 5> Math: C- 4> Last year, when you told him to clean his room, you merely got a sullen look. This year you get a dining room chair over your head. 3> Your son asks if anyone makes a DNA paternity test kit for Cabbage Patch Kids. 2> During that "little talk" with Junior, you're forced to admit that you don't know if hermaphrodites are "birds" or "bees." and The Number 1 Sign Your Kids Have Been Watching Too Much Jerry Springer... 1> Poor Ken just found out he hasn't been dating Barbie, but GI Joe in drag. |
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