YOU MIGHT BE A HAM (OR ENGINEER) IF:

(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

If you window shop at Radio Shack.

If you introduce your wife as mylady@home.wife.

If you want an 8X CD-ROM for Christmas.

If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.

If you use a CAD/CAM package to design your son's Pinewood Derby race car.

If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.

If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burned-out bulb in the string.

If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.

If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes just five minutes to run.

If you've modified your can opener to be microprocessor driven.

If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.

If you've ever taken the back off your TV just to look inside.

If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna of the radio in your work area for better reception.

If you thought the contraption ET used to phone home was stupid.

If you have never backed up your hard drive.

If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.

If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance 'as-is'.

If you see a good design and still have to change it.

If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.

If you still own a slide rule and actually know how to work it.

If you have more toys than your kids.

If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

If the microphone at a meeting doesn't work and you rush up to fix it.

If you can remember seven computer passwords but not your wedding anniversary.

If you have ever owned a calculator without an "equal" key.

If you did the sound system at your senior prom.

If your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her.

If your wristwatch has more buttons on it than a telephone.

If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers.

If you think your computer looks better without its cover.

If your wife doesn't have the foggiest idea what you do at work.

If you know what "http:/" stands for.

If you have ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio.

If your favorite part of the 6 o'clock news is comparing their latest satellite weather picture with yours.

If your three-year-old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.