They've been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, it's an annual honor given to the foolish person who was killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event.

DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES

1. In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18" wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.

2. A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a 200-foot-high
cliff on his daily run.

3. Buxton, NC - A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge,
VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

4. Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.

5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying
to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was
wearing.

6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del., as he
won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with
four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

7. According to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy
Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game
of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS

1. In Guthrie, Okla., Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot
from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near
the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

2. In Elyria, Ohio, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in
his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and
caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.

3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
wife, Bonnie, was also injured by a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew
up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
but they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed.

4. Betulia, Colombia - "Amateur Night" at an annual festival includes
five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no bull was killed, but
dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored in the head and one
Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one bull against [a town
of] a thousand Morons."

5. Four people were injured in a string of related bizarre accidents.
Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry,
Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on
his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and
Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten
off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work
and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him "I'm
still not sure why I did it," she said later. "I was really close to the
car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have been
for more than two seconds." However, cab driver Vegas did see and lost
control of his cab, running over the curb and into the corner of the
Johnson Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was
cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the building
making her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock,
he bit down, severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound
was caused by a falling piece of the medical building.

6. La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma
center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog drags
the thing all over the house," he said later. "He must have dragged it
into the shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and sat
down right on the thing." The extraction took more than three hours due
to the fact that the cover to Mr. Mendoza's phone had opened during
insertion. "He was a real trooper during the entire episode," said Dr.
Dennis Crobe. "Tony just cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying
himself. Three times during the extraction his phone rang and each time,
he made jokes about it that just had us rolling on the floor. By the
time we finished, we really did expect to find an answering machine in
there."

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