The top ten proposed closing arguments in the matter of
United States vs. William J.Clinton

10. If the dress aint a mess, he won't need to confess.
9. The economy's great, let the white boy skate.
8. If she is not spread eagle, then it is not illegal.
7. Lewinsky's a whore, and Bill's better than Gore.
6. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses.
5. He cheats on his wife, but it's his personal life.
4. Bill can't tell the truth, till he sees Ken Starr's proof.
3. Bill is not sleazy, Lewinsky's just easy.
2. If the sex is just oral, it is not really immoral.

And the number one closing argument by Johnnie Cochrane:

1. If the bitch didn't spit, YOU MUST ACQUIT!