Men

How do you scare a man?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.

What's a man's idea of a perfect date?
A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

How do you get a man to exercise?
Tie the TV remote control to his shoelaces.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know. It's never happened.

Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because, even back then men wouldn't stop to ask for directions.

What is a man's idea of safe sex?
A padded head board.

top