You're barely awake... your eyes are still shut
Still can't quite focus... still draggin your butt
You know you need coffee.... can taste that first sip
You wait for the maker... and put the mug to your lip

The feeling is warm...just what you need
But you know you need more... and it's something to read
The paper you say???? no... don't think so.. not it...
It's much more exciting.... you can't wait to "click"...

You boot up your puter.... You click that icon...Can't keep from grinning...
you're really turned on!
When the voice says "Welcome"... your heart skips a beat!!!
You know you're addicted... all the friends that you meet.

And then you see it... You wait with a stare...
The mail box lights up!! "You've got mail" waiting there!!
Oh.. What a feeling!! you look with delight!
You hoped you'd have mail... and you knew you were right!!!
So you go thru the mail... knowing this is the "Best"
Reading this, reading that... as you go thru the rest.
Some you give the "delete" Key... others get your first click
You know you must hurry... you gotta be quick!

It is then you hear it... You can't wait to see
Your hearts gets a flutter. who's name will it be?
And then there it is ... covering part of the screen
The sweet little sound... Oh, you know what that means..

"Quick mail check" you promised... you said in your mind.
But you just got an IM.. and you're pressing for time!
You know that you want to ... and respond you will
so you stop what you're doing .. and go for the thrill!

You "LOL" and "BRB," give kisses and Hugs...
You type and send words... refilling your mug
You give your good friend your attention and time
So that quick little mail check
turns to hours online..

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper some time ago:

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife
was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine
on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into
gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged
through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the
floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found
her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle
laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the
phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the
several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics
to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the
husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and
pushed it outside.

Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some
papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in
the toilet.

The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to
come home.

After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the
damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went
into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After
finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the
toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her
husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her
husband lying on the floor again. His trousers had been blown
away, and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his
legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for
an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them
at the street.

The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began
carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to
the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked
the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and
the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the
stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining
steps and broke his ankle.

And you thought *you* had a bad day?

These are ACTUAL letters to, and some answers from, Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've
never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think
they could be Lebanese?

Curious

Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much
on me I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I suspected that my husband had been fooling
around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied
everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a
boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I
get out?

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't
know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour
every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little
gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally
did it.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she
is going through her mental pause.

Dear Abby,
When you told some woman whose husband had lost all
interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband
lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.

Dear Abby,
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like
to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think
he'd like?
Carol

Dear Carol,
Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

Dear Abby,
Our son was married in January. Five months later
his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was
premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
Wondering

Dear Wondering,
The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.

Dear Abby,
I know boys will be boys, but my boy is seventy-three and he's
still chasing women. Any suggestions?
Annie

Dear Annie,
Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for
years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with
it.

Dear Abby,
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't
afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
Sam

Dear Sam,
Yes. Run for public office.

Dear Abby,
What inspires you most to write?
Ted

Dear Ted,
The Internal Revenue Service.

Dear Abby,
I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my
age with no bad habits.
Rose

Dear Rose,
So would I.

Dear Abby,
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Bess

Dear Bess,
Night and Day

"Useless Facts V"


MONEY MATTERS

It costs more to buy a new car today in the United States
than it cost Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake
three voyages to and from the New World.

One-fourth of the world's population lives on less than
$200 a year.

Ninety million people survive on less than $75 a year.

ANIMAL FACTS

According to tests made at the Institute for the Study
of Animal Problems in Washington, D.C., dogs and cats,
like people, are either right-handed or left-handed
--- that is, they favor either their right or left paws.

A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel can.

Blue whales weigh as much as 30 elephants and are as
long as 3 Greyhound buses.

Crocodiles and alligators are surprisingly fast on land.
Although they are rapid, they are not agile; so if you
ever find yourself chased by one, run in a zigzag line.
You'll lose him or her every time.

Birds do not sleep in their nests. They may occasionally
nap in them, but they actually sleep in other places.

Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue
whale.

INSECT NEWS

Butterflies taste with their hind feet.

Only female mosquitoes bite.

Mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue twice as
much as to any other color.

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion,
it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Every night, wasps bite into the stem of a plant, lock
their mandibles (jaws) into position, stretch out at
right angles to the stem, and, with legs dangling, fall
asleep.

Ants stretch when they wake up. They also appear to
yawn in a very human manner before taking up the tasks
of the day.

Bees have 5 eyes. There are 3 small eyes on the top
of a bee's head and 2 larger ones in front.

The outdoor temperature can be estimated to within several
degrees by timing the chirps of a cricket. It is done
this way: count the number of chirps in a 15-second
period, and add 37 to the total. The result will be
very close to the actual Fahrenheit temperature. This
formula, however, only works in warm weather. (Try it!)

FOOD FUN

In the United States, a pound of potato chips cost two
hundred times more than a pound of potatoes.

Caesar salad has nothing to do with any of the Caesars.
It was first concocted in a bar in Tijuana, Mexico,
in the 1920's.

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will
bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the
glass to the top.

Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories
to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to
begin with.