An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers that it was a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie.

"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a genie!"

The Arab thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." ***POOF***

The Arab finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen,and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: "I wish I were white and surrounded by beautiful women."

Clyde died in a mobile-home fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for. Clem went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Clem said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Clem looked and said "Nope, it ain't Clyde."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Zeke to identify the body and Zeke took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Zeke looked down and said "No, it ain't Clyde".

The mortician asked "How can you tell?," as Clem reentered the room.

Zeke said "Well, Clyde had two assholes." Clem nodded his head in agreement.

"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say "Here comes Clyde with them two assholes!"

A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes back to find out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy.

The teacher has him go down to the principal's office to phone his mom, and ask her what he should do about it. He does this, returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room. Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I did," he says, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon she'd come and pick me up from school."

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