90'S JARGON

ALPHA GEEK - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an

office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and

advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

BEEPILEPSY - The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes

off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy

facial expressions, and interruption of speech in mid-sentence.

CHIPS AND SALSA - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta

figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

CRAPPLET - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted

30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

DANCING BALONEY - Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and

serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little

dancing baloney will help."

DEPOTPHOBIA - Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much

money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.

FLIGHT RISK - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to

leave a company or department soon.

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not

Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located."Don't bother

asking him. . . he's 404, man."

GENERICA - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no

matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what

city we were in."

GOOD JOB - A "GET-OUT-OF-DEBT" JOB. A well-paying job people take in order to

pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent

again.

IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you

find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime

example.

KEYBOARD PLAQUE - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer

keyboards.

MIDAIR PASSENGER EXCHANGE - Grim air-traffic-controller-speak for a head-on

collision. Midair passenger exchanges are quickly followed by "aluminum

rain."

NYETSCAPE - Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.

OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've

just made a BIG mistake. Seen in Elizabeth P. Crowe's book The Electronic

Traveller. (Like when you type rm -Rf *, and realize you are in /, and not

in the directory you thought you were in.)

PEBCAK - Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and

Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've submitted

numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them

up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another variation on the above is

ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system.")

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an

electronic device to get it to work again.

PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube

farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls

to see what's going on.

SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over

everything and then leaves.

SQUARE-HEADED GIRLFRIEND - Another word for a computer. The victim of a

square-headed girlfriend is a "computer widow."

TELEPHONE NUMBER SALARY - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.

TOURISTS - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their

jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were

tourists."

UMFRIEND - A sexual relation of dubious standing. "This is Dale,

my...um...friend..."

UNINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice

president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an

uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator

for assistance." See also Decruitment.

VULCAN NERVE PINCH - The taxing hand position required to reach all of the

appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm boot for a Mac

II involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the

Return key and the Power On key.

YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere.

Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each,

but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."