Dear Abby, 

My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated  our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and  supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issues. He is a hard worker but many of his coworkers are leery of him. Every  time he gets caught he first denies it all, then he admits that he was wrong  and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a  cheat. I don't know what to do. 

Signed: Frustrated 

Dear Frustrated: Why don't you move to New York and run for political office? 

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"Conversation" A University of Alabama football player was visiting a Yankee relative  in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty  co-ed. 

He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does  you go to school?" 

The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or  southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. 

The UA student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO  TO SCHOOL?" 

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Quotes "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with  a riding vacuum cleaner." --Roseanne ~ ~ ~ 

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York  said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni ~ ~ ~ 

"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping."  --Rita Rudner 

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Smooth Talker 

A real smooth talker who prided himself on being the ladies man finally  met his match one night. The smooth talker had just learned that his father only had days to live and that he would inherit over ten million  dollars. 

Overjoyed at the promised wealth, he celebrated at the local bar, where  he just happened to see a drop dead gorgeous long legged blonde. 

Of course,  he couldn't wait to work his charms on her and indeed she was so interested  in him, they went back to his house together. 

The next day she became his stepmother. 

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The IRS Audit The stock broker received notice from the IRS that he was being  audited. 

He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial  records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the auditor scrutinized their  every detail. 

Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." 

"Why would you say that?" wondered the broker. "Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three  returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career!" 

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