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Generals, Camp, Occupation, Computers, Dog Date QUICKIE: I stopped taking tranquilizers. I was starting to be nice to people I didn't even want to talk to. ~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~ Generals America and Israel struck a deal to bolster each others Armies. The Israelis said they would like to exchange three generals for three generals. The Americans agreed, stating they wanted an IDF General to teach tactics, an armor General to teach desert warfare, and a Mossad General to teach espionage. The Israelis replied and said they wanted General Electric, General Motors, and General Dynamics. ~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~ Camp A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer Camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?" The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?" ~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~ Occupation "What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year. "He's a magician, Ma'am" said the new boy. "How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" "He saws people in half." "Gosh! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?" "One half brother and two half sisters." ~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~ Computers Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert. Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert Users - People who break other people's computers. ~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~ Special Dog Bob gets on a plane and takes his seat. Sitting beside him is another guy with a German shepherd. He strikes up a conversation with this guy, and before long the curiosity gets the best of him. "So, what's with the dog?" he asks. "Oh, this is a specially trained sniffing dog," the guy replies. "Just wait, once we're in the air, I'll give you a demonstration." Soon they're in the air, and the guy says, "Watch this." He gives a hand signal and the dog heads out down the aisle. He comes up to a woman and sniffs around her feet and legs. The dog walks back to his master and puts one paw on his foot. "Ah, that woman is carrying Marijuana," he says. "We'll have to make a note of her description and seat number, and let the officials on the ground take care of this." Again, he gives the hand signal and again the dog heads down the aisle. He comes up to a man and again stiffs around his feet and legs. Again the dog walks back to his master, but this time he puts two paws on the master's foot. "Ah, that man is carrying Heroin." the guy says. "We'll just make a note of that and let the guys on the ground take care of that." A third time he gives the signal, and again the dog heads out. He comes up to another guy, and sniffs around his feet and legs. The dog RUNS back to his master, craps all over him, leaps into his lap, and wraps his front paws around the guy's neck. Somewhat confused, Bob looks at the dog handler. "Ah." the handler replies calmly, "That guy has a bomb." |
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