The Top 15 Excuses for Avoiding Jury Duty

15. "'Biodome' and 'In the Army Now' both sucked, why should this one be any different?"
14. "My new diet requires me to eat a quart of beans every 15 minutes."
13. "I'm currently under treatment for a 'menage a twelve' addiction."
12. "My religion forbids me removing my beer hat!"
11. "Your puny Earth laws are no concern of mine, Magistrate!"
10. "Pick me, Your Honor -- I can *smell* guilt."
9. "Dear sirs pleeze excuze Matt from jury dooty his grandma dide.
Sinseerly, Matt's mom."
8. "Do I get to slap the scumbags around like Detective Sipowicz?"
7. "Your Honor, *any* jury I'M on would be hung."
6. "I wouldn't want to destroy my remaining shred of faith in the judicial
system by actually seeing it in action."
5. "I'm Judge Wapner and ALL you sons of bitches are guilty!"
4. "I'm unable to sit in the jury box without barking and crying out for
Arsenio."
3. "I couldn't possibly be impartial-- the defendant is my arch-enemy, and
I'm... Cheddar Man!"
2. "Tastes great? Less Filling? Both sound pretty convincing to me."
1. "I just can't stop giggling whenever someone says, 'All rise.'"

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