THE PARROT

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.

He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when
he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked
all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a
parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your
name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named
you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

CATHOLIC SCHOOL

A ten year old public school boy was finding fifth grade math to be the
challenge of his life. Science? A piece of cake. Geography? No big
deal. Spelling? Ha! Give me a break! ... but MATH? It was devastating!
To not only him, but his mom and dad, too! And not that they weren't doing
everything and anything to help their son - private tutors, peer assistance,
CD-ROMs, textbooks, even HYPNOSIS! Nothing worked.

Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their
son in a private school. Not just ANY private school, but a Catholic
school. Nuns. Weekly mass. The whole shootin' match.

Well, the first day of school finally arrived, and dressed in his
salt-and-pepper cords and white wool dress shirt and blue cardigan sweater,
the youngster ventured out into the great unknown. His mother and father
were convinced they were doing the right thing.

They were both there waiting for their son when he returned home. And when
he walked in with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his
face, they hoped they had made the right choice. He walked right past them
and went straight to his room and quietly closed the door.

For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn
about his desk and the surrounding floor. He only emerged long enough to
eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, he went straight back to his
room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter
report card.

After school, the boy walked into the home with his report card, unopened,
in his hand. Without a word, he dropped the envelope on the family dinner
table and went straight to his room. His parents were petrified. What lay
inside the envelope? Success? Failure? DOOM?!?

Patiently, cautiously the mother opened the letter, and to her amazement,
she saw a bright red "A" under the subject, MATH.

Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at
the remarkable progress of their young son!

"Was it the nuns that did it?", the father asked. The boy only shook his
head and said, "No."

"Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?", asked the mother.
Again, the boy shrugged, "No."

"The textbooks? The teacher? The curriculum?", asked the father.

"Nope," said the son. "It was all very clear to me from the very first day
of Catholic school."

"How so?", asked his mom.

"When I walked into the lobby, and I saw that guy they'd nailed to the plus
sign, I knew they meant business!"

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