Bar Bets

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around
that it offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass,
and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of
juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but
nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and
a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and
squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind the little man.

The crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist
around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man
"what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The man replied "I work for the IRS."

************

A guy walks into a bar and sees this big sign that says "Free beer for
life to first person who can pass the test!"

"What test?" the guys asks the bartender.

"Well ya' see, there's a tradition that the first guy who can pass the
three challenges gets free beer for life. But no one's ever done it."

"First, there's a gallon of pepper tequila, and you have to drink the
whole thing at once, AND you can't make a face while doing it.

If that doesn't kill you, then there's an alligator out back with a sore
tooth, and you need to go out there and remove it with your bare hands.

Finally, there's woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm. You need to
make things right for her."

"Yeah, well thanks, but no. Thatıs crazy. I mean what kind of idiot would
drink that much pepper tequila? And it gets even crazier from there."

But, as often happens in bars, the man has a few drinks. Pretty soon,
what sounded crazy now seems like a great idea.

"Shhwears zat Pepper Tekeela?" he burps.

First he grabs a hold of the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands,
and knocks it back in big slurp with tears streaming down his face.

Next, he staggers out the back door. And soon all inside hear the most
frightful roaring and thumping. Then silence.

The man staggers back into the bar - his shirt's all ripped up and his
body has big scratches.

"Now where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

************

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender brings it to
him, and tells him "That'll be $2.50." The guy tells the bartender "I already
paid you." The bartender apologizes, saying, "I'm sorry, sir. I don't
remember you paying me, but, you're the customer, and the customer is
always right."

The guy finishes his beer and leaves, amazed that he got away with his
prank. As he steps outside, he sees a friend, and tells him about the
bartender's gullibility. His friend decides to give it a try, too.

The second guy goes to the bar and orders a beer. When he tells the
bartender he already paid for the beer, the bartender scratches his head
and apologizes, saying, "I'm sorry, sir. I don't remember you paying me,
but, you're the customer, and the customer is always right." The guy watches
the bartender walks away, still scratching his head, and opens the cash
register. He finishes his beer and leaves.

As he leaves, he tells a stranger standing outside about the
absent-minded bartender. The stranger enters the bar and orders a beer. The bartender
returns with the beer and a baseball bat and tells the customer, "You
know two guys stiffed me for beers in the last hour by telling me they already
paid, when I know they didn't. The next wiseguy that tries that is going
to have his head belted in to left field!"

The stranger looks at the bartender and says, "Look, I don't want to get
involved with your personal problems, so just bring me my change, and
I'll be on my way."

top