>
> LACTOMANGULATION--Expanding your vocabulary
> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
> Otherwise known as "Impress your friends at cocktail parties!!"
>
> Twenty words that don't exist, but ought to:
>
> 1. ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and
> refold a road map at the same time.
>
> 2. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn
> the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
>
> 3. AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the stream of
> drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the
> drinker from
> (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting her(him)self
> in the eye (or ear or nose).
>
> 4. BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more
> torture
>
> and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
>
> 5. BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk around picking
> up
> display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the
> phones
> are not connected.
>
> 6. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming,
> of
> running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
> reaching
> over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give
> the
> vacuum one more chance.
>
> 7. DIMP (dimp) n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store
> by
> asking, "Do you work here?"
>
> 8. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you
> dropped
>
> on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow `remove' all
> the
> germs.
>
> 9. ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen
> in
> the rearview mirror.
>
> 10. EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you
> at
> the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
>
> 11. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for
> one
> armrest in a movie theater.
>
> 12. ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that
> the
> more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
>
> 13. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
> onto
> the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally
> decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
>
> 14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the
> "open
> here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the
> `illegal' side.
>
> 15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling
> to
> come to life.
>
> 16. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
> purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground
> pepper.
>
> 17. PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress
> in
> front of a household pet.
>
> 18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number
> and
> forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
>
> 19. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
> presses its nose to it.
>
> 20. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
> letting
> the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're
> only
> six inches away.
> >>

top