One Liners

Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked, in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and
used against you.
I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.
When shooting a mime, do you need a silencer?
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Pardon my driving, I am reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Nothing is fool-proof because fools are so ingenious.
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the Earth.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
When in darkness or in doubt, run in circles scream and shout.
I think your hard drive has a slipped disk.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.
Dyslexics of the world, untie.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
And then Adam said, "What's a head ache?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
How can they tell that twin lobsters are really twins?
How does a thermos know when to keep something hot, hot...and something cold, cold?
What is the speed of dark?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings? Why don't they wear a pair of bras?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

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