20 Ways to Annoy People in Public Restrooms...
1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your
neighbor, "May I
borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on
that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the
silence with a
bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh s**t! My glass eye!"
6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a
canteloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh
relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it
erratically under
the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy
boy!"
11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than
sinkers."
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad
of toilet
paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor.
Then say,
"Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."
14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with
your hand
over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you
squeeze
the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize
profusely and
blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too
small. Now what
am I gonna do?"
17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your
butt
cheeks.
18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down
your
"Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor
visible to the adjacent
stall.
19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it
so you can
see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and
sing "Born
Free".
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To: All Employees
Subj.: Restroom Policy
In the past, employees have been permitted to make trips to
the restroom
under informal guidelines. Effective August 1, 1997, a Restroom
Trip Policy
will be established to provide a more consistent method of
accounting for
each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of
employees.
Under the policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be
established for each
employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a
Restroom
Trip credit of twenty-five (25) trips. Restroom Trip credits can
be
accumulated from month to month.
Within two (2) weeks, the entrances to all restrooms will be
equipped with
personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print
recognition devices. Before the end of July, each employee must
have
provided two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under
stress) to
the General Services Department. The voice print recognition
stations will
be operational but not restrictive for the month of August.
If the employee's Restroom Bank balance reaches zero, the
doors to the
restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the
first of the
next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped
with timed
paper toll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than
three (3)
minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty (30) seconds after the alarm
sounds
the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will
flush, and
the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your
picture will
be taken.
The picture will then be posted on the company's Bulletin
Boards. Anyone's
picture showing up three (3) times will be immediately
terminated. If you
have any questions about this policy, please ask your immediate
supervisor.
They have all received advance instruction.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Your Boss
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