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Comprehending Mathematicians--Take One
A chemist, an engineer and a mathematician were all asleep in
a hotel when several fires broke out in their respective rooms.
The chemist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk,
pulled out his CRC (chemistry handbook), and began working out
all sorts of fluid dynamics equations. After a couple minutes, he
threw down his pencil, got a graduated cylinder out of his
suitcase, and measured out a precise amount of water. He threw it
on the fire, extinguishing it, with not a drop wasted, and went
back to sleep.
The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom,
turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire
apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep.
The mathematician woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk,
began working through theorems, lemmas, hypotheses, you-name-it,
and after a few minutes, put down his pencil triumphantly and
exclaimed, "I have proven that I can put the fire out!"
He then went back to sleep.
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SUBJ: Comprehending Mathematicians-Take Two
A mathematician is a person who says that, when 3 people are
supposed to be in a room but 5 come out, 2 must go in to return
the room to an empty state.
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SUBJ: Comprehending Computer Scientists-Take One
Four men rode in a car: a mechanical engineer, an electrical
engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer.
The car stalled out.
The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the pistons; let's
repair them and be on our way."
The electrical engineer said, "It has to be the spark plugs;
we'll replace them and be ready to roll in no time at all."
The chemical engineer said. "No, it's got to be bad gas;
we'll flush the system and be on our way."
They turned to the computer engineer. "What do you think we
should do?" they asked.
The computer engineer shrugged and said, "Let's get out of
the car, close the doors, then get back in and try restarting
it."
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SUBJ: Comprehending Computer Scientists-Take Two
A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were
arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The
doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created
Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so
I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the
world."
The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in
the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the
heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first
and certainly the most spectacular application of civil
engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the
oldest profession in the world."
The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said
confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the
chaos?"
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SUBJ: Comprehending Computer Scientists-Take Three
A programmer had been missing from work for over a week when
finally someone noticed and called the cops. They went round to
his flat and broke the door down. They found him dead in the
still running shower with an empty bottle of shampoo next to his
body. Apparently he'd been washing his hair.
The instructions on the bottle said:
Wet hair
Apply shampoo
Lather
Rinse
Repeat
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SUBJ: Comprehending Engineers, -- Take One
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for
15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group
ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?
George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost
their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment.
Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the
three mathematicians each buy tickets and watch as the three
engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks a mathematician.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The mathematicians take their
respective seats, but all three engineers cram into a restroom
and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has
departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He
knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The mathematicians see this and agree it is quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the mathematicians decide to copy the
engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever
with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy
a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the
engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks
one perplexed mathematician.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
When they board the train, the three mathematicians cram into one
restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.
The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves
his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the
mathematicians are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,
"Ticket, please."
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